Finding Myself

I've told you all before, I've always been a blogger. I have been posting in my "Deadjournal" since the ripe age of seventeen. 

Recently, I reread my journey from 2002 and on. And it leaves me speechless. Rather, I say, "Wow." I was boy-crazy, immature, had low self-esteem, struggled with family, friends, and God, ultimately trying to find myself along the way. But I feel like I've overcome, whatever it is called, being beautiful and accepting where I am in life.

I think having a "normal" childhood would lend to typical woes along the teenage and college years. Typical circumstances: boyfriends, independence, success, etc. But I hardly had that. 

When I was eleven, my family left my mom in New Jersey to better ourselves. Leaving my mom to decide to join us and leave her alcoholic tendencies or stay in New Jersey and be deprived of any family with us. 

What did she choose? Alcohol. Her paramour. Leaving behind three children and a husband of almost 20 years.

Not only from the age of eleven did I have to struggle with no longer having a mother in my life, I also had to find acceptance and friendships in a foreign land, Florida. Whatever sense of comfort and peace I had known was no longer there, even at times I questioned why my dad decided to do this. 

Thankfully, two years after we moved to Florida, God directed my steps to a wonderful group of friends. I'm not sure where I would be today without the support of them. On a regular day at school, this group of girls (whom I had just recently started to get to know) began sharing the gospel with one of their guy friends. He wasn't terribly interested in what they had to say, but I on the other hand. I was so intrigued by this God who loved you no matter what (at this point I clearly needed to be loved because I was that "girl who didn't have a mom"), who wanted to forgive your sins and spend eternity with you. I prayed with the girls and accepted Jesus into my heart. I started going to church youth group with them on Wednesday nights and received counseling from the youth pastor about my parents divorce. 

Throughout high school and college, I sought acceptance and love from whomever would give it. I also expected loyalty, from any and all I confided in. My deepest struggle was allowing anyone to get close to me. I'm a listener by nature, so sharing was never a strength. So I always allowed others to open up to me without reciprocating the relationship. This type of relationship is great if you're trying to close a business deal or wanting to know the latest gossip. People love to talk. I believe there are more "talkers" in the world than there are "listeners." I also didn't open up to those around me because I had been burned. If the one person who was supposed to love me no matter what, my mother, could abandoned me, why would anyone want to accept me with my flaws? I think my listening nature plus the hurt I endured from my mother, led me to be closed off to so many who did truly accept me throughout these years.

Reading through those ten years of journals, I wanted so much to have that guy to rely on. In fact, I tried so hard to rely on him that I often neglected relying truly on God. It's so funny, becoming a Christian early in life (because let's be honest, age 12 is pretty early in life) you always hear, "Only God can fill the hole in your heart" or "Man will not meet every expectation." Why didn't I remember those throughout those years? Looking back now, God clearly slapped me in my face on numerous occasions to say, "Kim, **** will not fulfill you, only I can." (**** being any name or *him* nickname I decided on for my new crush.) In my journals, I struggled almost daily with the fact that my own boyfriend didn't want to spend time with me. Yet ignoring the whispers of God saying, "Just spend some time with me." 

Thankfully, I did have some tremendous friends who I could connect with. And even though at the time, I only saw half of these friendships as valuable, I can look back now and thank numerous friends who stood by me. Friends that no matter where they are in life today, I can look at and admire, smile, and show my appreciation for them sticking it out with me. Even though I was surrounded by groups of people in high school and college, I never felt like I had enough acceptance. I always felt like I was the outcast, the one who "didn't grow up in the church" or have christian parents. Although no one said that, it was my inner demons reminding me that I'm not good enough. And I so often let those demons win me over. I always needed to prove something to someone. 

I had leaders who were willing to love me and invest their life into me, even when I didn't want it. There was never a time in high school when a women mentor wasn't asking to meet with me and love on me. I still have fond memories of the movie, "Ever After" because of Michelle Beckman, or cook using balsamic vinegar because of Cassie Peterson. I'm so appreciative of their love and being that godly example of what a mother is supposed to be like, because I didn't have one. 

I reflect today and the past several months. I'm so blessed to be on that journey, because everything led me to where I am today. But I am more grateful that I understand my past journey and use them as life lessons for my family. 

Still today, I have to push those demons back and say, "Get behind me satan." I am constantly reminded that the devil prowls around looking for that little foothold in my life. But, overwhelmingly reminded that I am a beautiful and loved child of God through my own children, my husband, my friends, my church.

 Although I am far from perfect, I am confident, intelligent, and loved. I am accepted for who I am today by the only one who matters in this world! God has brought me through so much and because of my journey, I am a proud leader in many different venues, able to share my story and the many facets it entails. 

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Resolve to know more

At the prime pregnancy age of 27, you don't imagine having any issues trying to conceive. Having a pretty regular cycle and being a healthy woman, why would there be any issues getting pregnant? 

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. What a great way to promote something that is looked as embarrassing or shameful. Infertility causes so many women heartache and pain. During all this heartache, there is so much confusion and questions. I believe it to be one of the most difficult things to go through.

I started sharing my story "anonymously" online back in 2011. I figured I could stay anonymous as I wanted all while sharing the details of my infertility journey. It wasn't until May 2013 that I started becoming vocal about the hardships my husband, Brian, and I had trying to conceive. 

Brian and I had tried for 7 months to conceive a child before my OB suggested we look into alternative ways to conceive. Since getting off the birth control pill in March, my body never resumed it's regular cycle. When we were told to try alternative ways, sure we did! We tried the Sperm Meet Egg plan. This plan basically requires you to use Ovulation Predictor kits and have sex every other day until you get that smiley face on the ovulation stick. It's almost a guarantee that the sperm will come in contact with your egg and fertilize..unless there are other issues.

Every alternative trick we tried didn't work. Sex became more of a chore, it wasn't fun anymore, and to be honest, I was starting to think something had to be wrong with me.

In November, after 2 additional months of alternative methods, we began seeing a fertility doctor. I had called my aunt who also struggled with conceiving, was this really the way I needed to get pregnant? She gave me hope because although her journey took 8 years, she had two successful pregnancies. Brian and I had our first consult meeting a few days after my talk with my aunt.

Dr. Trolice from Fertility CARE would guide us through our journey. After some initial blood work, we met with Dr. Trolice. We talked with him and started a casual conversation. We wanted to make sure there was a connection between us all, because let's face it, we were entrusting him with our next step in trying to conceive. After about an hour discussion, Dr. Trolice diagnosed me with with PCOS, poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. Basically, my eggs start to grow but never release and they turn into cysts. We had an ultrasound done to confirm his prediction and much to our dismay, my ovaries were filled with cysts. 

We then sat down and talked with Dr. Trolice again. He gave us a few options as to what we could do next. We wanted to get pregnant at the end of our journey with Dr. Trolice, so he wanted to check everything. 

During the next month, Brian and I went through what felt like hundreds of different tests. I had my tubes checked for any blockage with a hysterosalpingogram (HSG for short). Basically, blue dye was injected into my uterus and then he used an x-ray machine to verify that the dye was running through my reproductive organs. Brian had a semen analysis done. I had blood work every week to monitor different levels such as my thyroid levels. 

Once all of the testing was complete in December, we began a medicated cycle and timed intercourse in January. Everything was scripted and calculated out for us. I was checked even more than I was in December with ultrasounds at almost every visit. 

We began the medicated cycle with the lowest dosage of clomid (a medicine that promotes egg growth). You take this medicine for five days. Although you're supposed to take it on specific cycle days, since I wasn't ovulating, I could take it whenever during the month. After taking the medicine, I received an ultrasound to ensure my eggs were growing...which they weren't. I asked my nurse if we could try an additional supplement for another week before just scrapping this cycle and waiting another month. Thankfully, the nurse and Dr. Trolice approved. 

Our next step was to wait another week, while I took soy isoflavones. This pill is basically a natural version of clomid. It does the same thing as clomid, you can just purchase it over the counter. 

At our next visit, we thankfully had 1 mature egg to get us started. We also had another egg that was beginning to grow, but the nurse told us it most likely wouldn't be ready by the timed intercourse.

We went on the hope of 1 egg being mature enough! The next day, Brian had to give me the Ovidrel shot. This shot helps my ovaries release the egg. Generally, after giving the shot the egg will release within 24 hours. So, with the Ovidrel shot in my system, we were instructed to have timed intercourse that evening and 2 additional nights.

Then we wait. 

A lot of infertility is a waiting game. You try a new technique that you think will help you get pregnant, then you wait and pray that you will get a positive pregnancy test. 

Well, after 13 days of giving the Ovidrel shot, I was tired of waiting. I took a pregnancy test. I was devastated to learn it was negative. After all our hard work, after seeing one good egg and potentially another, it didn't work. The only encouragement I had was that after 13 days, the accuracy rate of a pregnancy test is around 60%. 

So we waited some more.

After 17 days of giving the Ovidrel shot, where the accuracy rate of a pregnancy test is more in the upper 80%, we tested. We got our first positive test! Oh blessed day! I remember taking the test and Brian waking up to wait for the test results. 

We confirmed 2 days later with our doctor that I was in fact pregnant. But the doctor had additional news...I was pregnant with two babies, twins! I just remember laughing at God's humor! 

Month after month of negative pregnancy tests, God had blessed us, actually, double blessed us! I went on to have a very successful pregnancy, I carried the twins to 38 weeks. The girls were both born at perfect weights (7 pounds and 8 pounds!). 

Although I had a great support system with my husband and nurses, I had to learn what was next all by myself. I had to educate myself about medications, terminology, and infertility. I share my story with others to let them feel comfortable with asking me questions.

I want others to know they are not alone in this journey.
I want people that brush off infertility as "stressing about it" to know that infertility is a medical concern. 
I want to help educate people in this journey about different options they can take.

I am passionate about infertility and supporting those around me with a listening ear or advice!

If you have any questions regarding National Infertility Awareness week, please visit:

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Part 2 of the new Quigley's Quest!

     You now know that we are a family of 5. 

    We are still getting adjusted to having a newborn in the house. Gemma is definitely a lot different than Emily and Allison at this age. 

    Onto the news you're looking for, I'm sure! 

  After some discussion, praying, and calculating finances, we've made a decision. I am going to stay at home with all of the girls, starting...now! Yup, I will be a Stay at Home mom to 3 amazing little girls. I get to spend my working days with Emily, Allison, and Gemma! 

   When looking financially at day care or a nanny, the cost is at or above my total take-home pay. Day care for the twins (at 18 months old) would be $300 a week, then with a newborn is an additional $180-200; totaling $480-500 dollars a week. Outrageous! See, my entire paycheck in a month.

    Besides the cost, then we would have our children with someone else for 8 hours a day. I get it, some families have to do that. We just don't want to do it. We don't want to come home at 4:00 (5:30 for Brian), have to rush around to make dinner, bathe the girls, and put them down at 7:30; only getting 3 hours of time (and it's not even solid connection time, but broken up with nightly routine) with the girls. We want to be the primary source of education for the girls. I'll be able to teach, discipline, and play with my girls the way Brian and I want to. 

  It will be an adjustment financially. We are dropping to one income, losing roughly $40,000 a year. Thankfully, we just paid off our car with our tax return. We are practically debt free, minus the house and our newly-added medical bills. It can work.

   The only thing that would benefit me going to work would be health insurance. However, when you add in work stress and the time with the girls that we would lose from me working, it's not worth it. We will just look for private insurance (since we have to have insurance now) for the girls and me. 

   I'm looking forward to this new change! Being a stay at home mom is something I always wanted to become. If you know me, I have always felt that my first love is my family. Growing up I said that God created me to have a family and to be a mother. This is my true job. 

    These first few months with stay at home, we will pretty much do that, stay at home. Like I said before, I'm still adjusting and managing three little ones. So I'm doing anything that requires little packing, traveling, and freedom (for Emily and Allison). 

   I'm going to start getting involved in the MOPS group at Discovery and scheduling play dates with friends with kiddos. We are getting a small kid pool to keep us entertained during the summer months (as Emily and Allison love water). 

  I think as the girls get older and can be trusted more independently, it will be easier. That just makes sense. When I can say let's walk and the girls aren't running out into the road or trying to run away from me, of course it will be easier. They are almost there, so soon we should be able to venture out anywhere we'd like! 

   I told my principal my decision last week. I told her a lot sooner than I wanted to, but OCPS and CTA contract states if you're on medical leave you have to give your intent to return by March 15th. I was trying to contact her earlier in the week (to make sure if I went there she would be there), so she got a little confused as to why I was calling. I gave her a little heads up and then scheduled a meeting with her. It wasn't a complete blindside. She thought I'd prefer part-time, but after discussing that with her, even part-time wouldn't work. We would still have to pay for care for the girls. Of course, one or two teachers found out and now the rumors and all are storming the campus (but that's for a different time).

   Well, now you have it. The Quigley's new quest is maintaining our family with our adjusting circumstances. Continuing to trust that God will provide in any and all areas. God has walked with us in this journey of life already and we know He will continue!  <3 

A New Quest for the Quigley's...part 1

It has been a long time since December 2012. So long, I don't even know where to begin without overwhelming all of you readers!

I'll take you on a journey through the various seasons of our life! *Side note: While determining the timeline of events, I had a hard time with the year! Where did 2013 go?

January 2013 - June 2013

    I re-entered the work force after a 3 1/2 month maternity leave, thankfully my brother, Kenny, was able to watch the girls. The girls loved going to Uncle Kenny & Aunt Rebecca's house daily. It was a blessing having them love and care for our girls.
 
    My first month back to work was a whirlwind! I jumped right into data meetings, reviewing data, making game plans for FCAT, and working hard. Everything continued seamlessly when I returned.

    It was an adjustment making myself sit down and eat for a half hour lunch so that I could pump. However, I was able to successfully be a working mother and pump enough breast milk for my twin girls. The girls continued breast milk until April, when I got the flu and it dried up my entire supply.

     In May 2013, I had horrible cramping at work one day. I even remember telling a co-worker that if I seriously thought I could get pregnant, I would be having implantation cramping. But I brushed off my cramps as "Maybe I'm actually starting my period!"

    *Flashback - If you have read my blog, you know that we struggle with infertility. Since going off birth control in 2012, I never re-started my monthly cycle. We tried to conceive a child for 8 months prior to discussing fertility treatment. On our own,  we tried ovulation prediction kits, charting my basil body temperatures, different diets, foods, etc., everything you could think of. Then we spent 2 months using fertility treatment through Fertility C.A.R.E. and ended up with a successful twin pregnancy! So when I had cramping in May 2013, I thought this was my period coming back and my body regulating itself!

   Moving on to June 2013. Now, I'll be modest. After having my twins I lost a lot of weight, nearing the 70 pounds mark. I was wearing clothes I had not fit into since college. I bought new clothes to fit my new body (in sizes from college!). It was wonderful. I had worn several pairs of shorts in this spring and summer season that were looser fitting. One afternoon, one pair of shorts felt significantly tighter. "Weird, I know it's summer but I haven't been eating more than normal" I thought to myself. I told Brian I felt like I was gaining weight and as the comforting husband that he is, he said, "No you aren't, you look beautiful."

    I was bloated. Another interesting thing that happened, my palms were chapped and peeling. This was also a symptom I had when first pregnant with the girls. Strange symptom, I know. I drove Brian's car one morning while helping out with U-Games at Discovery. I needed to do this because I was leaving early and he was watching the girls. While driving, I noticed my hands were peeling. I assumed as this time that my hands were peeling because his steering wheel was sticky and gross. Again, I brushed this off when I arrived home that night and chalked it up to a disgusting steering wheel.

     Then, one day in mid-June, I began to feel sick. I told Brian that this was so abnormal for me to feel this sick and went straight to the bathroom. I told him I had to be pregnant. He laughed and said, "Yeah right, you haven't had a cycle since before we got pregnant with the girls. You aren't even ovulating!"

   That afternoon I had to run to the park to reserve the pavilion for the girls' one year birthday party. So I left the house and on the way home we agreed I would pick up a pregnancy test.

   When I got home, I took the test. I didn't even wait for "first morning urine." I figured there's 2 tests in there, if this was negative I could use one tomorrow morning. Brian was cooking dinner, I was taking the test.

   Not even 2 minutes later, I spoke. "Brian, I'm pregnant."

    He didn't believe me because of the way I said it. If you ask him now he would say I said it so nonchalantly and matter of factly that there was no way that I was pregnant. I showed him the test itself and said, "Yes, I am pregnant."

    I remembered we prayed right after, we rejoiced, we freaked out, we contemplated finances, and probably did more worrying then we should have. I mean, it was summer, I had at least 3 glasses of wine that week! AND, the kicker, we just purchased a box of Lakeridge wine! That's 12 bottles of wine just sitting in the closet for 9 months because of this new bundle!

     I don't remember when, but I know sometime between that night and the next 2-3 days, I called Genny. I had to get it out. She was away, but I had to tell someone and just hear from my best friend that everything would be fine.

   We told family on Brian's birthday in July, told my boss in August...and then went on with daily life. It's kind of funny because some people at work didn't find out until November, they just assumed I was getting larger. Haha.

   We were blessed with Gemma Josephine on February 13, 2014. Not my ideal day (because of its proximity to Valentine's Day and my birthday), but I will live with it.

Here are maternity pictures taken in November.

 
Here is Gemma Josephine and her sisters!

Gemma born at 9:22, 8 pounds 5 ounces, 20 1/4 inches long. 

All of the girls on Valentine's Day! 

So part 1 of our new quest...adjusting to a family of 5, with 3 children under 2! 

Stay tuned for part 2 of our new quest! 

Starting the process....

It's truly a miracle thinking of the past year.

Our first appointment with Fertility Care occurred November 30th. That was the first time we met Dr. Trolice and his team. From there, we took a month journey of testing and scans. Brian tested, I tested, we all chatted. Everything checked out for all of us, besides the fact of my PCOS.

Then, at the beginning of January, we started clomid, soy isoflavones, trigger shot (ovidrel), and progesterone. And we thought after clomid that our chances were over because of the eggs not developing.

Lo and behold, now we have 2 beautiful, beyond anything we could ever imagine, girls!

As I was driving to Brian's work yesterday, I thought about September 21st, the day we had our girls. I started tearing up thinking of how I felt when I heard Emily's cry as soon as she was "pulled out" of me. Just a sense of relief when I knew my baby girl had lived 38 weeks inside of me and I could finally meet her. Then 1 minute later, Allison came out. She didn't make a sound so I had to ask if everything was okay. When the doctors said she was fine, my world was perfect. Brian, Emily, Allison, and I were a family starting at 12:43 in the operating room!

It's crazy that we started our conception journey a year ago, spent 8 1/2 months baking our girls, and now have had them for almost 3 months!

Every day is something new. I still have to remind myself that I'm raising twins. It's truly amazing. There isn't just one of them, there's two individual personalities, two human beings, two to take care of! Looking back, I don't know how I do it, hah ;-).

The past few days (a little over a week now), I had a sore throat and stuffy nose. Nothing terrible, a mere tickle. I took medicine immediately to conquer it. The day I got over it, Allison started with a stuffy nose. Her minor cold stayed for a day, but now peanut number one, Emily, has a runny nose. Poor thing. I'm sure she'll get better shortly as my breastmilk has antibodies in it.

The girls are smiling up a storm at us. Allison especially is SOOOO responsive to us. If daddy or mommy just look at her she starts smiling and giggling. Oh it melts my heart. Emily takes a while to warm up to anyone. She tries to hold her smiles back, she likes to sleep and stare off into space...not be reactive to us. It's okay because we have a few good ones of her.

Both girls love it when I sing Chi Omega yours forever to them. They both smile and light up. It's awesome. I have a video of it with Allison. I'll post it once I edit the video ;-)

We've been busy. Girl shopping days with Merideth, church, DC Christmas party, shopping, returning clothes (hah). I love taking the girls out, they love being out so much! We can just go shopping all the time. :)

The one thing they hate, is taking real "family" photos. We tried to do family pictures for Christmas. Yeah, it didn't work. One girl would look one way, the other down, one would start to fidget or cry, the other would do the opposite. So, we MAY give it one more shot, but if not, oh well. If it doesn't work, we're not sending out Christmas cards. If it does work, then maybe YOU will get a Quigley Christmas card in the mail! :)

I'll leave you with some pictures from the past few months.. :)

From the way they are positioned, I'd say they're identical, they always lay in the same position! ...We're getting a DNA test after the New Year! Allison on left, Emily on right.

Emily's BIG smile!

Emily again, I <3 her smile!

Allison says, "Be very very quiet, I'm hunting a rabbit"

Allison's flirty smile! She just hams it up for the camera!!

See Emily does smile at us...we just have to jump up and down and make silly noises!

All of us before the MOPS Christmas meeting!

These beautiful girls are often linking arms, holding hands, or kicking each other. I LOVE these outfits...thanks Ragsdale family!

Emily smirking...sporting Ms. Meri Mac's bows....http://missmerimacs.com/

Allison sporting the bow too!

<3 the Quigley's

7 weeks!

Well, it has been an eventful 7 weeks! It's so hard to believe that our girls at 7 weeks old, where has the time gone?

The girls have gotten so much bigger. At our last appointment, back in October, Emily was 9 pounds 1 ounce and Allison was 7 pounds 13 ounces. I'm sure they are both well over 10 pounds now! We go for our 2 month check up at the end of November. We will see how much they weigh then. They also have to get their shots. :( No fun. Brian can't take off work for the appointment, so I asked my dad to come with me. Hopefully he can. I don't want to deal with 2 crying babies after they both have their shots. :(

I went for my 6 week post check up on Monday. Everything checked out normal and I can go back to doing everything normal. Which I was doing everything normally prior to the okay, oops! :)

A lot has happened in the past month.
The girls had their first photo shoot... Sandra Johnson Photography came over to the house when they were a week old. She set up shop in our room and took pictures of the girls. They're absolutely beautiful. Take a peek:

 We've had lots of visitors...

The girls had their first Halloween:

 Allison:

 Emily:

We've gone to birthday parties...

We've ventured into the world of Moby. The girls love it...but they love doing it alone, LOL. 

We also had our own family pumpkin patch photographs!

We've started to get a schedule down with the girls. They are starting to stay awake more during the day so they can sleep better at night. 

Allison has been sleeping 6 hours for the past few days. We've been giving her the last feeding around 11:30-12:00, then she won't wake up til 6-6:30. Emily on the other hand continues to wake up every 3 hours. It's not so bad because she wakes up half asleep, eats, and then will fall back asleep. So instead of me staying up for an hour (15-20 minute feeding for Emily, 15-20 minute feeding for Allison, 15-20 minutes of pumping). I pump while I feed Emily and bam, done, I stay up for only 15-20 minutes at 3 am. It's pretty nice! 

Soon we're going to start letting Emily cry through the 3 am feeding. Just let her self-soothe with a pacifer and then feed her at 6. She's just our big girl, so I know she'll always want to eat..But after discussing it with other moms of multiples and moms, I don't want our daughter continuing to wake up at 2 years old for a middle of the night feeding.

So that's about all that's been up with us. We are excited for the holidays to come upon us. I'll be making more bows, buying Christmas outfits, and we'll have another photography session!

Stay tune for more updates! :)

Labor & Delivery

 A lot has happened since my 30 week update! As many of you know, I had my babies! It has been one wild ride from 34 weeks until now! So get buckled in and let's ride down memory lane...

The past 7 weeks of pregnancy were pretty normal. It wasn't until 37 weeks that I felt my belly was stretched to its max, I wasn't getting enough sleep or getting comfortable, and just ready to have my babies.

From 32 weeks, I started having weekly NSTs (non-stress tests) on my girls. Basically, I went into Winnie Palmer, they hooked up each baby for about 30-45 minutes to listen to their heart beat, and then went home. Each week the girls have done a wonderful job. Their heartbeats rose and fell at a regular rate.

Starting around week 33/34, Dr. Merritt continued to ask us about c-section vs natural birth. We were adamant about having a natural birth. She was fine with that but wanted to let us know that many doctors at the practice would not deliver a breached baby and we may have to have a natural and c-section delivery depending on the situation. We knew the potential dangers.

At 35 weeks, we received our last ultrasound. The tech said that Baby A - Emily - was about 6 pounds (5 pounds 8 ounces) and Baby B - Allison - was about 7 pounds (6 1/2 pounds). Allison was still breached. After much discussion with Brian, prayer for the "right" decision, and consideration....we decided to go with a scheduled c-section, for 37 weeks. Originally, after talking with Dr. Merritt, the hospital had Thursday, 9/20 available for a scheduled c-section. However, it wasn't confirmed. The next day we received a phone call saying that 9/20 didn't work out with Winnie Palmer, but 9/21 at 1:30 was available. We had it set...until a few days later when they moved the time to 12:30 on the same day.

I continued to work for 2 weeks. It was interesting having an official "end" date - if the girls didn't come sooner on their own. I wasn't too nervous and it truly didn't hit me until the Thursday before.

Nothing really happened from week 36 to week 37. My stomach grew larger, my feet continued to swell, bedtime was uncomfortable. Except one big thing...

The Wednesday before my c-section I had a "scare." As I was walking in the supply room at work, I had some water trickle down my leg. Well, after having numerous people come surround me, the nurse determined that was normal and my water had not broken. Which was fine with me, because at that moment, I don't think I was mentally ready for babies. I had started to prep myself for Friday, no sooner.

Thursday came and went, I had my pre-op appointment in the morning and that was about it. At my pre-op appointment, I was told to be at the hospital at 10:30 and eat nothing after 2:30 am.

Brian and I went to bed around 11 on Thursday, in preparation of waking up at 8:30 the next morning. The last thing I ate was around 10, big mistake. I really wish I had ate something at 2:30, but I knew little of what was to come the next day.

We woke up Friday morning refreshed. We got ready, Brian was able to eat breakfast...I just brushed my teeth. I wasn't even allowed to drink water, so the water to brush my teeth had to suffice. After putting antiseptic on my stomach to prep for surgery, we got dressed and ready to go. We packed our car with everything we needed for the weekend (assuming we were only going to be in the hospital until Sunday or Monday).

We arrived at the hospital right at 10:30, we were a little late because as we drove (right as we got onto the 408 and paid a toll), we realized that we didn't have Brian's license, our phone chargers, and a few other items. We turned around, picked up these items, and then started our journey again.

After checking in to the front desk, we were instructed to go to level 2, Labor and Delivery floor. Brian (patiently) and I (nervously) waited in the waiting room. I was quite nervous while waiting. I had never been a patient in the hospital, let alone, have to go through surgery and have my stomach sliced open. It was quite comforting seeing Pastor Mike walk through the elevator doors. He had come to talk with us and pray before the operation began. What a great feeling to know that so many people were praying for us and our girls that mid-morning/early afternoon.

The nurse called me back to the room. She asked a few questions before having me change into my gown. After changing, I walked back to my preparation pod. The nurse hooked up both babies to a monitor, the exact monitors that I used every time I had my NSTs. The nurse gave me an IV for fluids, checked my blood pressure, and did a few other prep work items. Putting the IV in hurt the most, I still have a little mark from where it was. :(

A soon while after, the anesthesiologist came in. They discussed how things would go for getting my epidural.  I got my epidural, it wasn't that painful. Actually, the IV hurt more than the epidural. The only scary part was that they said I should feel a tingle down either my left side or my right side....well I felt the tingle down both sides. so they kept asking me if I could feel things and how I was doing. I started numbing right away, so I don't know why I felt tingling down both sides of my back.

Dr. Merritt had called the nurse to see if we could start at 12:00 instead of 12:30. I love an efficient doctor. :) Well, the nurse said she wouldn't necessarily be ready at 12:30, but 12:15. Dr. Merritt arrived shortly after calling the nurse. It was great seeing her. I thanked her for doing the c-section because seeing her truly calmed me down. She made a joke about texting her parents. We talked about why she had to text both of her parents even though she knows they are sitting right next to each other. She has such wonderful bedside manner, I couldn't ask for a better doctor.

We entered the surgery room at 12:19. I love that there's a big clock as you enter the operating room. There were about 15 people in the freezing, cold room. They moved me from the bed I was in to the operating table. This was the only point in time that Brian was not with me. They had to prep me first and then bring him in.

Thankfully the nurses didn't have to tie me down to the table. After all was prepped, Brian came in. The nurses/doctors did a "time out" and stated the procedure, time, etc. Then we started.

Emily was "taken" out at 12:42. We heard her cry and it was so relieving. I only felt a bit of pressure when Dr. Merritt (I assume) was taking out Emily. She was our chunky one, weighing 7 pounds 8 ounces.
Allison was "taken" out at 12:43. She didn't make a sound while being taken out. And truly, I didn't feel any pressure when she was taken out. Allison weighed 6 pounds 3 ounces. Both babies scored a 9 on the apgar test when they were taken to be with the nurses.

Both babies were able to stay with us in the operating room. Brian snapped pictures all the way along. The girls did great and I'm so glad they weren't whisked away to the nursery or NICU. They put Emily on my chest first. I hugged her beautiful self, as much as I could. Then they brought Allison. We took a family shot together. It was beyond beautiful. Both girls were as perfect as could be. Then they let daddy hold the girls. :) More pictures were taken.

Then finally they started stitching me up and took the girls to the nursery. Brian went up with the girls.

While they were stitching me up, we were all talking about crazy things. We were listening to the music playing in the OR and Dr. Scott (Dr. Merritt's assistant, another OB at the practice) tried to name the song and artist....which then got into a discussion about the game Song Pop, which lead into a discussion about dead singers. This was about the time that I started feeling sick, then felt nauseous, then felt hungry. Dr. Merritt made a joke about how I went through all those feelings within about 3 minutes. My anesthesiologist gave me some medicine to help the nausea feeling go away, but by the time he gave it to me I felt hungry instead.

I was wheeled back into my pod where Brian came back down to visit me.  He said the girls were doing wonderfully and in the nursery. They were running some tests on the girls and we'd be back upstairs soon. Prior to the surgery, the nurse who was prepping me did inform me that there were woman who had not received a room yet that had their babies that morning. She said it would be a wait before receiving a room and only 5 babies were allowed on that floor (due to the number of nurses on that floor). I expected to wait, probably be in my little pod until 3 or 4...no problem...it was around 1:30 at that time. Plus, they said I would have to wait to move until I could move my legs....Well, when I was wheeled back into my pod I could already move my toes....by 1:30 I could lift my legs. I was recovering and wearing off from the anesthesia a lot faster than anticipated.

Well, needless to say, 2:30 came and went. I was moved into a different pod. This pod was more of a "recovery" pod instead of a "prepping" pod. Since there were so many girls on that floor they lifted the no more than 5 babies rule. They brought the girls to me. I was over the moon! Brian and I got to spend some time together, but then that is when people started to trickle in. Brian was able to give up his purple (VIP) tag and give it to other people so they could see me and the babies. I am so blessed that so many people stopped by to see me. That definitely kept my spirits high, considering I was moving no where fast out of my pod.

Due to overcrowding in the postpartum rooms, many women were kept in the recovery pods that evening. The worse part about being stuck in the recovery room...no food was allowed. It was miserable. The nurses could see I was hungry, I mean I hadn't eaten since 10:30 the night before, it was over 12 hours later...thankfully the nurses were able to get me fruit punch with ice chips. The ice chips are soft, not the crunchy square ones...so it was almost like eating an icee.

Around 8:15 the hospital FINALLY moved me to a postpartum room. Some of my family and Brian's family came to visit us...when they ran some of my vitals the nurse and tech discovered I had high blood pressure. High as in 160s - 170s. The nurse wanted our families to leave. This is when I had my major melt down. Of course I had high blood pressure, I had been in recovery ALL day, had NOTHING to eat, and I was being moved from one floor to the next. I didn't want our families to leave, they had been waiting all day to see the girls.

Unfortunately, everyone had to leave except Brian. The nurse had to check my blood pressure every hour. And we kept the girls in the room with us. Allison slept wonderfully that evening, Emily not so much. Whatever we did for her would not soothe her. I ended up keeping her in my lap and falling asleep (oops, that's against postpartum rules...no sleeping with your child in the bed).

My blood pressure continued to rise and fall throughout my whole stay at the hospital. I am on blood pressure medication now because of it. :(

Our weekend in the hospital was fine. Nothing too exciting happened. We had many family and friends help and visit us. I enjoyed eating food that I didn't have to clean up afterwards...and room service always asked if I wanted dessert with my meal (um yes, cherry pie!!).

Brian did a wonderful job helping me up out of bed, lifting the girls up, being my support system. Brian and I both said you don't realize what you need to "do" in the hospital as the husband. I never imagined him having to do certain things that are part of life (part of recovery from surgery and recovery from being pregnant) that he jumped into doing without complaining or making an "ew gross" expression. We both agree that we love each other more and more every day. The bond of these two girls and just going through the past 9 months (and more, since we struggled with fertility) has just grown tremendously. Sigh, I love him. I can't wait til he comes home (today was his first day back at work).

By the end of the weekend, nurses weren't even considering us going home on Sunday. We dealt with that.

By Monday morning, the doctor on call said she wasn't sending us home Monday. Frustration hit again! Emily had elevated levels of jaundice. I had elevated blood pressure levels. We just felt like we would all heal and get better at home. But no, nurses and doctors refused. I was walking around since Saturday afternoon, I had limited my pain medication since Sunday early AM, why was I being held "hostage?"

After accepting the fact that our family wasn't going home, we decided to just deal with it. We "went out" to eat down to the first floor. We left the girls in the nursery and had a little date. We walked around the cafe (and got to pick an assortment of food), we went to the gift shop...It was nice. :)

We finally got released on Tuesday afternoon. Everyone was released by 5 o'clock Tuesday. We were driving home and on the road by 6 and arrived home at 6:30.

Being at home has been amazing. We are all adjusting well! This past week Brian stayed at home. It has been wonderful growing and fostering our family this week. Having an extra pair of hands is extremely helpful. My pain levels have been next to none. I pretty much only take 1 pill a day and most of the time its either when I go to sleep or right as I wake up. I'm hoping that by Wednesday I'll be off pain meds, then I can drive!

Our family has truly appreciated everyone bringing us meals, lending a helping hand, or sending out encouragement via facebook, text messages, and e-mails. We can't thank you all enough! God is truly faithful  and taking care of our family via those surrounding us.

I am slowly but surely going to start responding/answering facebook and e-mail messages. I have a few other items on my to do list as well...but I will get around to it!

If you want to see pictures of our adorable little girls that Brian has taken via our camera, you can go here:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/g09hfd5ri3vrbta/sV-eAF20oT#f:IMG_0212.JPG. This website will continually update. While we were in the hospital it had 30 pictures, when we returned on Tuesday it had 50, and now it has 98 pictures. Save the link and continue to look for updated pictures!

If you want to help us with bringing a meal, you can sign up via the Care Calendar. We have set up a website where people can sign up to bring us a meal on a specific day. The website is:  http://www.carecalendar.org/.logon/124738. For the ID number it is 124738, the security code is 8464.

I will leave you with a few pictures that I have taken via my phone :)










Allison


Emily